Got this from Paddy Power ;
Blat Explains It
Allegations that the quarter-final draw for the Champions League was rigged after the exact match-ups were posted online at least an hour before the draw have been officially largely ignored by rival FIFA chief Sepp Blatter.
"If this isn't about women footballers being booked for not taking their shirts off after scoring I am not interested," he slurred at our reporter before possibly turning back to the half-naked young woman who was wiping the excess talcum powder off his nether regions with her nose.
Apparently the breach was in fact the fault of Blatter himself who was at the draw as an honoured guest. The head of FIFA has an addiction to the high powered anti-depressant loxapine. His presence resulted in the draw having to be filmed several times before they got a take where his swearing off camera was only barely audible.
While the medication has reduced the hallucinations and inane babbling to a degree, the resulting indifference to his surroundings and emotional insensitivity (common side-effects of this treatment) have been the main causes of some of his more controversial decisions. The results of the draw were leaked when Sepp mistakenly revealed the match-ups when ordering a pizza during filming. Bookmakers were quickly aware of an issue when a flood of bets came in for Liverpool to meet Arsenal. Markets were suspended when the full fixture list was posted on the internet.
An insider at UEFA admitted: "Yes we pre-record the draw but only to ensure everything runs smoothly. Mr P isn't too happy, he's gunning for Blatter. I couldn't repeat what he called him but the words prick and baldy and stupid appeared quite a lot."
We asked several top figures in football what they thought of Blatter after this latest blunder.
Pele: He's a prick and they are idiots. Do you know if there's a condom machine in the bathroom?
Eric Cantona: Il est un prick.
Jamie Redknapp: Yeah he's pucker, he's great, without doubt one of the most talented heads of FIFA in the world. Me my dad Harry, uncle Frank and cousin Frank were all talking about it the other day while my beautiful wife Louise was........
Nelson Mandela: He was a great runner and on my continent that is something we really admire, no I'm thinking of Seb Coe. Sepp Blatter? He's a prick.
This month we have the quarter-finals of the Champions League, the FA Cup semi-finals and some crucial games from the Premier League and, if anyone cares, Real Madrid throwing away the La Liga title in hilarious fashion .